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| Hi, just thought I could pass on some wisdom I am learning from my Titus 2 Bible study. I wish I had this teaching about twenty five years ago when I first got married. I would have saved a lot of heartache. One thing we did learn, it who ever you marry, he becomes “Mr. Right” in God’s eyes. So if we are married, he is not the wrong man. My blog has been dealing with the differences between men and women. It has been very practical. I try to include Biblical example of the principles I have been taught. I will copy and paste the latest. My site is www.xanga.com/titus2wife Thanks for training our young women. Maranatha ~ dawn
Saturday, November 26, 2005
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Differences Between Men & Women - part two
God created us men and women, and declared it ‘very good.’ Genesis 1:31.
Many women ask after they marry - where is that romantic man I courted? The flowers, chocolates, the poems, songs, etc. One of the ways our men are different from us women is they are goal oriented! Women are relationship oriented. We look for relationships with our men, kindled by being the emotional and verbal women we were wired to be. Men have goals they want to accomplish. Some of their goals list may look like this… get an education, get a job, get a wife. He checks off his list one by one. Education - done (check) Job/career - done (check that off the list, too.) Get a wife - done (check that off the list). Now probably the next on the list is either have children and/or get a house. The romance we experienced during our courtship has met it’s goal. Your man now has his wife, so he is off to the next adventure or goal on his ‘to do’ list. The knight in shining armor now has his bride in his castle! This does not mean that your man is not romantic, but at one time in his life, he used romance to accomplish his goal of getting a wife.
A man’s identity is wrapped up in his job. His work/career is how he now provides for his wife. As women, we need to understand this about our men and stop fighting with over the late hours and overtime they put in. They are now fulfilling their role as provider. They are trying to do the best they can to please us!
We women want relationships - we like the verbal process of communicating. If our need to communicate overwhelms our man, he will shut down. Men need time to process their thoughts, while us women can think and talk at the same time. When our men do talk to us, look at them with full attention. Stop what you are doing and listen, with your eyes and body language. It is harder for men to communicate than it is for us verbal women. Since men have a hard time expressing emotion, we can help them out by saying “I know how you must have felt when ______ happened. I would have felt frustrated, too. ” Help him fill in the blank for the emotion he is feeling.
Another attribute about men is they are nomadic, and women are more permanent. We set down roots in a community, while men can get up and move without too much notice.
Our homes become an extension of who we are. The decorating, cooking, children and friends are part of how we are wired.
Notice Abram in Genesis 12:4-5 “So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. 5 He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.”
Abram leaves, in obedience to God’s command. And notice that Sarai leaves with him, without any recorded objection. What a woman she was! And she lived where her husband led and provided.
We women tend to be intuitive and operate on our feelings. This is part of our emotional nature. We also pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues. Men are usually more logical and want only the facts, as they see the big picture. It may seem to us women that they are cold and insensitive, but this is just how they operate. Men will sometimes want a paper trail. Notice how Abram sees the big picture, again in Genesis 12:7 “The LORD appeared to Abram and said, "To your offspring I will give this land." So he built an altar there to the LORD, who had appeared to him.” Abram accepted the facts, saw the big picture, and worshiped God.
Men also want to fix things, and women like to talk about things.
Men being visual are action oriented. Women are verbal/relationship oriented. Try this experiment… check out the listings at the local movie theatre. Have your husband pick out a movie he would like to see (without pleasing you). And you look at the movie you would like to see without pleasing him. Do the movies differ? My husband picked the movie ‘Jarhead’… a movie about the Gulf War. (action oriented - visual) I guess I married a regular guy!
My movie pick would be ‘Yours, His and Ours,’ a family comedy about remarriage with 18 children. (relationship- emotional oriented.)
Another visual aspect about men explains why men like to watch sports. It is action oriented! My husband Tom loves NASCAR! I go to the races with him and tend to look at the people. (well, I also shop there, too)
Men don’t talk about loving us - they show us by going to work day after day. And they don’t want to hear so much about how much we love them, they want to see it, as well.
Being inflexible about the gender differences will weaken our marriage relationships. God made men and women different for His glory. We need to learn to accept the differences, instead of fighting over them and trying to make our men like one of us.
1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Even if your husband is not a believer, he is not to be won with words (as us verbal women would like to do), he is to be won by our behavior. God was aware that our men are visual and action oriented! That is how He created men. Look for ways to show your husband your love, instead of telling him about it this week. Any suggestions…please write them in.
Maranatha ~ dawn | | | |
| To all the Princes in this world::
I am a Princess. I have grown up with dreams floating throgh my head of
Prince Charmings, and Knights in Shining Armor rescuing Princesses and
living happily ever after. When I was little, I dreamed of my own
future. Always somewhere in my future, I saw a Prince entering my life on a
great white charger, sweeping me off my feet and riding off into the
sunset. As I grew older, this faerie tale began to fade, as the "men" I
saw became more and more ordinary, and nowhere could I see someone
resembling my Knight in Shining Armor.
My chivalrous knight seemed so far away, and at times I would cry
myself asleep wishing that somewhere, someone would step above the norm and
become a real gentleman. However, I felt in my heart that the world
could not be completely bereft of chivalrous knighthood, and so I waited.
I kept myself pure and clean, waiting for my Prince. Still, no one
came. All around me I saw the Princesses I had grown up with trading their
treasured jewel of purity in an attempt to be a 'woman,' and boys
trying to be men stealing the only thing these girls had. I cried inside to
see these Princesses and Princes without realizing it, giving up their
most treasured posessions. These boys and girls cried out to me, trying
to get me to join them, then ridiculing me when I wouldn't. Still, I
waited. I believed in my knight. I knew he would come, and I did not
want to dissapoint the one who held my heart by tarnishing his jewel.
One by one men came into my life taht seemed so good, so right. It
comforted me to know that there were men out there who were aspiring to
higher goals. And yet, I still did not feel that any of these was the
Prince that God has set aside for me. However, they made me ralize that my
patient, and at times not so patient, wait was not going to be as easy
as it had been so far. I grew to cherish my friendships with certain of
these princes, but always I kept in mind My Prince. I lived in a way
that would honor both him, and my Heavenly Father. I re-established my
boundary rules, making them clear to myself and my guy friends that I
would not stray from the road these set. Dating was a port I did not
intend to harbour in, and so I set my course away from this complicated
harbour.
So I waited, and still wait, for my Prince. Now I don't see My Prince
come charging in on a gorgeous white steed, but perhaps he will creep
into my life like a seed, slowly blossoming out until I realize that he
is indeed the Prince that God set aside for me. The faerie tales of old
have passed away, and yet they have cleared the way for a new set of
'Prince Standards.'
The things I now cherish in My Prince are different from the ideas I
had as a little child watching Sleeping Beauty and Beauty and the Beast,
and in so may ways, more precious. In My Prince, I see a man who is
not ashamed to kneel to pray, and the passionate relationship he holds
with his Father God is worth more to me than a million white steeds. My
Prince is chivalrous, never ashamed to care for those weaker than he,
and striving to be more Christ-like everyday. I do not expect My Prince
to be perfect, but I admire kindness, humbleness, courteousness in a
man. My Prince will not ridicule my standards of purity, but will honor
and respect them and me as well. He may even have his own purity
standards. My Prince respects his elders, and loves children. If he were
parient, kind and fun-loving, I would count myself all the more blessed.
I would hope that My Prince and I would share a similiar love of the
arts, and I would love to share my music, art and reading with him.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, My Prince is committed to his Lord,
and to me as well. My Prince would need to be committed to his
relationship with me, because I know it won't all be smooth sailing. I would not
expect My Prince to always be happy, but I would want him to respect me
enough to stay with me.
I am still waiting for My Prince to come, perhaps not on his shining
steed, but like the seed. Maybe I already know My Prince, and maybe God
is still going to lead him into my life. Either way, I know that I will
be waiting here for him, and hoping he is doing the same. In God's
timing I will see My Prince, and then I will spend eternity with him. Until
then, ifyou happen to see him on your way, please tell him for me that
his Princess is waiting for him, and that I will always be here for
him.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
~a Princess
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Here are you guys's thoughts on the last post. And here is a new question for this week: How do you think a person can treat singleness as a gift rather than just a time of waiting? Please send your answers to waiting4myprince31@yahoo.com. Thanks!
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Every man's eyes are subject to a constant onslaught of visual temptation when an immodestly dressed woman walks by. A lot of girls think "I can dress how I want, and guys should just control themselves", but these girls are quite simply that. Girls. Not guys. Not to say a man's struggle is so much worse than a woman's, but when it comes to visual things, we really have little control.
A man sees a woman wearing tight short shorts and a shirt that is skin tight and exposes her stomach and cleavage, and his mind instantly "fills in the blanks", often before he can stop it. But when a man sees a woman dressed in a shirt that fits properly and either pants or better yet, a skirt or dress, then those "advertisements" for the "product" are completely missing (see this Brio article for more on that analogy) and he can more easily respect the woman both publicly and in his mind.
Speaking as a man who has constantly struggled against such temptation, I rejoice inside when I see a woman who dresses modestly. Especially when she might have the frame or shape to "dress to impress". I have no greater respect and honor for anyone on this earth than for the ladies of God who choose NOT to "impress".
To Grace: From the way I've seen you dress, I can only recall one instance where your garb was a stumbling block. And please don't get bummed by that, because that's incredibly good for any woman. Only one accidental temptation? Grace, maybe it helps that I respect you immensely to begin with, but I find it easy to NOT think that way about you. Thank you for being aware of this struggle and being considerate for us poor fellas.
To the other ladies who read this site: Do not fall prey to the thinking that men should "control themselves". Lust is one of the hardest sins to control for men, and if the temptation is taken away, it's much easier to resist. If you dress modestly, we're all more likely to respect you more.
I leave you with this final note: The woman I marry will leave almost everything up to the imagination by the way she dresses. No hints, no advertisements. I'll want her "secrets" to be known only by me, her husband. | | |
| Check out this link to Dannah Gresh's site for some helpful tips about how to make sure you dress modestly.  (girls only)
http://www.purefreedom.org/blog/archives/000015.html
Hope you enjoy! | | |
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